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Enter the Claptrap/Transcript
(Travel to Deck 13½) (Cutscene) (Sepia comic-art drawing of the original Vault Hunters, Pickle, Tiny Tina, Claptrap, and Athena sitting on the steps of Sanctuary) (Normal Mode) Claptrap: Ooh! Ooh! Athena! You almost forgot to tell Lilith and everyone the BEST PART of the adventure! Athena: I assure you my report was sufficiently thorough. Claptrap: Nuh-uh! What about the REALLY cool stuff that happened right at the end?! Athena: The end? Claptrap: When Handsome Jack had you all go... inside me! Athena: Oh, that. Ugh. Lilith: Well, Athena, I'm allll ears. (End Normal Mode) (True Vault Hunter Mode) Pickle: Athena! Can you tell the story again? I missed it. And can there be even more WHOOSH and BANG and PEW-PEW-PEWS this time around?! Athena: The story is what it is -- I won't add things that didn't happen. Tiny Tina: Yeah, kid! The story's what it is. If you're gonna hang with the grownies you gotta do things our way -- DON'T SIT THERE THAT'S FOR PRINCESS FLUFFYBUTT! Pickle: Uh, how about here? Tiny Tina: Princess Fluffybutt says that's ok. Athena: Okay. You ready? Pickle: As I'll ever be! And remember -- lashings of WHOOSH and BANG and PEW-PEW-PEW! (End True Vault Hunter Mode) (Handsome Jack is typing in a computer console in his office, with Tassiter lying dead beside him.) Handsome Jack: Oh hey, Harold, uh -- what's with this... secret memo? What's it say here, uh... "Urgent memory retrieval of the FR4G-TP unit", you... sly old fox, you! What do you want with my claptrap unit? Handsome Jack: I'm sorry, what was that? You're gonna have to speak up a little. Handsome Jack: Harold! Let's not fight. What did the therapist say? Handsome Jack: Hnnngh, the H-Source is REAL?! Digital omnipotence, gimme gimme! Handsome Jack: Oh, are you frickin' KIDDING me? You hid it in THERE? How the HELL am I gonna get it out? Y'know what, Harold, leave it with me -- I'll dig into it. (End Cutscene) Handsome Jack: Hey! Come meet me in my secret lab on Deck 13½. (The mission "Enter the Claptrap" is now automatically accepted.) Handsome Jack: Yeah -- weird as it sounds, 13½ is between... decks 13 and 14. It'll make sense. (Stalling) Handsome Jack: I'm still here, still here, still here, still here. Hey. I'm still here. (Talk to Jack) Handsome Jack: Hey, I've got a suuuper cool job for ya, if you're interested. Are ya? Heh, yeah you are. So, the dealio. The H-Source! Mind-melting prototypes, access codes, corporate secrets -- everything a handsome new CEO could ever wish for! God, I NEED IT, I WANT IT, I GOTTA GO GET IT! *'Jack (to human):' But, sneaky ol' Tassiter hid it inside my experimental claptrap unit, because... he's a jerk. *'Jack (to Claptrap):' But, sneaky ol' Tassiter hid it deep inside YOUR code, because he was a HUGE jerk! Handsome Jack: And what with security protocols and all, I can't goddamn extract it! So pop quiz: why are YOU here? Well, go plug yourself into those digistruct pads, 'cause first off -- I'ma gonna digitize ya! *'Athena (if present):' I can do that. *'Wilhelm (if present):' Okay. *'Nisha (if present):' Yeah, okay. *'Claptrap (if present):' Man, I bet I look GOOD in raw code! *'Jack2 (if present):' Uh... sure, boss. *'Aurelia (if present):' With pleasure. (Enter digistruct pad) *'Athena (if present):' Now what? *'Wilhelm (if present):' Now what? *'Nisha (if present):' So now what? *'Claptrap (if present):' This tickles! *'Jack2 (if present):' So, uh, what's next, boss? *'Aurelia (if present):' And now? Handsome Jack: This, uh, might hurt. Probably does. I dunno. Y'know what, you tell me. *'Athena (if present):' Ahhh! *'Wilhelm (if present):' Ahhh! *'Nisha (if present):' Ahhh! Ahh... *'Claptrap (if present):' Ahhh! I LIKE it! Very minimalist. *'Jack2 (if present):' Ahhhah, Owww! *'Aurelia (if present):' Ahhh! (Vault Hunters are transported into the digital world) *'Jack (to human):' Welcome to Hyperion's prototype, a sort of digital airlock that preps your living code for insertion into Claptrap. I hooked it up to the digistruct pads. *'Jack (to Claptrap):' Welcome to Hyperion's prototype, a sort of digital airlock that preps your physical code for insertion into, well... you. It's super technical. Point is, I hooked it up to the digistruct pads. Handsome Jack: And here's where I dial up the genius by, like, a kerzillion... (door appears) *'Athena (if present):' Where does THAT lead? *'Wilhelm (if present):' Okay. Where's that go? *'Nisha (if present):' And that goes where, exactly? *'Claptrap (if present):' Ooh! A closed door! Where's it go? *'Jack2 (if present):' Just glad to still be alive! Uh -- where's that go? *'Aurelia (if present):' A door. How impressive. Handsome Jack: Head through there and pick up the admin password. It's kind of a big deal. It's the only one I've got. (Stalling) Handsome Jack: You are goin' nowhere 'til you pick up that admin password. (Pick up password) *'Athena (if present):' So, where we going? *'Wilhelm (if present):' Alright. Next? *'Nisha (if present):' Okay. So where we going? *'Claptrap (if present):' One admin password picked up! Where do I take this? *'Jack2 (if present):' Got it. So, where next? *'Aurelia (if present):' And now? *'Jack (to Athena):' Yeah, it's a "we", as in "you". *'Jack (to Wilhelm):' Oh, next you get to go somewhere suuuper cool, and earn some moo-lah. *'Jack (to Nisha):' Somewhere real cool, hun. Trust me. *'Jack (to Claprap):' Somehwere that'll fry your tiny robotic mind! *'Jack (to Jack2):' Oh! Oh, you are TOTALLY gonna love it! -- I didn't even blink when I said that! *'Jack (to Aurelia):' And now -- wait for it, lady... *'Jack (to human):' Now head to the console and initiate my digi-sim program -- that'll load up a simulation of Claptrap's mind. If you can call it that. *'Jack (to Claptrap):' Now, uh, head to the console and initiate my digi-sim program -- that'll load up a simulation of your mind. If you can call it that. (Initiate simulation) Hyperion: Initiating CL4-TP simulation program. Handsome Jack: That will take you into a simulation of Claptrap's mind. Yeah, I know -- what the hell kind of dump's that gonna be? I envision, just like, an endless loop of cat videos. *'Jack (to human):' Yeah, I fixed it so his mind's gonna think you're native code. Cool, right? You just walk in, hand over the admin password, get my H-Source, then walk right back out again. Easy peasy. *'Jack (to Claptrap):' I fixed it so your mind's gonna think you're native code. It's cool, right? You can just scoot in, hand over the admin password, get my H-Source, and scoot right back on out again. *'Athena (if present):' Sounds simple enough -- apart from the "inside his mind" part. *'Wilhelm (if present):' Ha! Didn't know the trashcan HAD a mind! *'Nisha (if present):' I'm up for the ride... but yeah, bet it's a cesspit. *'Claptrap (if present):' Oh boy! Don't know if I'm ready for this -- I'm waaaay overdue for an oil change! *'Jack2 (if present):' Can we get some sanitary wipes? I bet that place is just icky, so... no? Okay. Thought not. *'Aurelia (if present):' To the silly little robot's silly little mind! Let us away! Handsome Jack: Big moment! Heeeere's the reveal! (path appears to a door framed with a giant holographic claptrap) Handsome Jack: Can't give you a clearer visual metaphor than this. (Enter The Nexus) *'Jack (to human):'(looking in through a giant window) You actually made it? Wow, cool. Okay, so you're in a simulation of Claptrap's mind -- so, I guess it'll be full of digital representations of memories and people and, uh, whatever else he thinks about. *'Jack (to Claptrap):'(looking in through a giant window) That, uh... that didn't -- that didn't kill you! Heh, okay! Fantastic, I'll make a note of that. So, uh, make yourself useful in there! *'Athena (if present):' Well, this should be interesting. *'Wilhelm (if present):' This place better have a decent drop rate. *'Nisha (if present):' Another day, another freaky place. *'Claptrap (if present):' I suddenly feel very introspective. *'Jack2 (if present):' So, not really full at all, then. *'Aurelia (if present):' My brain is going to need a long soaky bath after this. (Enter Positive Terminal) M00CH5H4RK.0101.BAT: Hey! Want help getting around in here? 5CR0UN63YS4M.0707.BAT: Y-Yeah! I can help! B3LLB0Y.BAT: I can take you wherever you want to go! URCH1N.BAT: Anywhere you want to go! Five dollars! M00CH5H4RK.0101.BAT: Yeah, five dollars! 5CR0UN63YS4M.0707.BAT: Five dollars! I'll get you what you want! B3LLB0Y.BAT: Five dollars! Pick me! Pick me! URCH1N.BAT: Five dollars! Pick me! I've got four subroutines to feed! (Pay $5 to one bot) Paid bot: Yeah, it's that way! (Enter next room) (Cutscene) (Claptrap's consciousness materializes) Claptrap's Consciousness: Helloooo -- digitized traveler, and welcome! I am Claptrap's consciousness, AND his higher CPU functions! Yaaaay! (Title card: CL4P-TP's CONSCIOUSNESS) (End cutscene) *'Athena (if present):' Uh. Hello? *'Wilhelm (if present):' Don't get up in my grill, buddy, and we're cool. *'Nisha (if present):' Ha, "higher"? Yeah right. *'Claptrap (if present):' So, YOU'RE the voice I occasionally hear in my head! *'Jack2 (if present):' Sff -- tough gig, pal. *'Aurelia (if present):' Enchantée! Handsome Jack: Eh, looks like you got yourself a guide there, heh! Good luck with that. Claptrap's Consciousness: Oooo! You got an admin password, don't you?! Woooow! How special are you?! I can show you RIGHT where to put that! That's not rude, I mean, I actually CAN show you! (Move to next section) (True Vault Hunter Mode) Pickle: Cor! So you zapped inside Claptrap? Wonder how you could nick stuff if you're made of ones and zeros. Tiny Tina: Princess Fluffybutt's more interested in what happened next. Please, Athena, continue. Athena: Uh... okay? (End True Vault Hunter Mode) (Engage bugs) Claptrap's Consciousness: Uh oh -- BUGS! I'm so embarassed! I didn't realize how bad the infestation was! Careful, the small ones explode! (Enter Nexus) Claptrap's Consciousness: SYS_ADMIN's up here! And, uh... when you're done with that password... can I have it? I mean, you know. Only if you're not usin' it. (Approach SYS_ADMIN) Claptrap's Consciousness: Hey, SYS_ADMIN! It's me! SYS_ADMIN: We're definitely not doing THAT! Claptrap's Consciousness: He didn't hear me. Let's go around the side. SYS_ADMIN: Data request queued. SYS_ADMIN: Denied. (Confront SYS_ADMIN) Claptrap's Consciousness: Hey! It's ME! SYS_ADMIN: Who? What do you want? (Talk to SYS_ADMIN) *'Athena (if present):' Uhh, I just wanna hand in this admin password and collect the H-Source thing. *'Wilhelm (if present):' I got a password pass for the H-Source. *'Nisha (if present):' Can I just give you this password thing and you give me the H-Source thing? *'Claptrap (if present):' I've got an admin password and sure would like the H-Source, please! *'Jack2 (if present):' Yeah -- I've got this password and reeeeally want the H-Source! -- And that is acting, right there! *'Aurelia (if present):' I'm here to collect the H-Source. I have a password and very little interest in excuses! SYS_ADMIN: Fine, hand it over! (Give password) SYS_ADMIN: That's... embarrassing. The H-Source is in Memory Bank 2, Cluster 00773 P4ND0R4 and marked "DO NOT REMOVE" by the Tassiter Proxy. Admin password privileges REVOKED. *'Athena (if present):' Excuse me -- what? *'Wilhelm (if present):' What? *'Nisha (if present):' You're jerking me around, right? *'Claptrap (if present):' Now, is this because I'm metallic? *'Jack2 (if present):' I... Say what? *'Aurelia (if present):' I beg your pardon?! Handsome Jack: Awww, no no NO NO NO! My admin password! SYS_ADMIN: YOU'RE not welcome here! Handsome Jack: And that... screws everything up. Thanks a bunch. Claptrap's Consciousness: A whole admin password?! GONE?! JUST LIKE THAT?! Okay, I've moved on. At least there's a way you can STILL get what you want -- and I can help! Category:Transcripts